Extra Credit=-Story Review!

I read the story about Academiatrophe. Heres what worked: The idea was horrifying and interesting. The pursuit of knowledge is generally viewed as a positive and this negative angle was unique. Heres what didnt work, sentence by sentence:

1) "I work at the Academiatrophe Academy, the organization in control of teaching future generations and lay the foundation for the future."

2)"I see the powerful corrupt for what they are"

3)"But now, he's suffering from an extreme case of scardish"

4) "Scardish is now the main cause of death at Academiatrophe UNTIL NOW"

5) "Seven ingredients"

Here are my ways the sentences could be improved:

1) I work at the Academiatrophe Academy, the organization responsible for teaching and laying the foundation for the future."

2) "I see the corruption"

3) "Now he is suffering from a horrible case of scardish."

4) "Until now, scardish was the leading cause of death at Academiatrophe"

5)  "The seven ways"

By moving words around, using more interesting vocabulary and making certain sentences more concise, the sentences are stronger, making a stronger story overall.

Regarding the moral or meaning, I believe you should never underestimate people because of their jobs. Brilliance and great ideas only exist in a select group of people, but people in this group includes both garbage men and CEOs. This story also teaches us about the importance of passion. The story cautions us against becoming "empty vessels". There is room in life for both learning AND living.